(a)musing

• I am going to see Amanda Palmer on May 22nd. Amy, Ashley, and I will be dressing in our steampunk circus finest and committing ourselves to a raucous evening. Anyone know how to sew a bustle?
• I know this ash-cloud business (mostly dissipated at this point) was very stressful for people (soon Lareina!), but I kept wishing I had gone on that trip to see Miss Sarah in London right before ash inhibited jet engines. Stranded in London with friends? Sign me up.
• I recently learned never to cook a new recipe for a dinner party. Major meltdowns happen when rolling dough that crumbles, thus threatening the life of your galette. The banana with peanut butter frosting cupcakes were magical though.
• I really need a potato masher.
• Two weeks from now, I will be in Hawaii. Shedding light on my pale pale skin. Boogie boarding with my mom. Weeeeeee! (also? more volcanoes!)
• Trips to Planet Granite have been increased in prep for upcoming beach vacation. Plank pose has become my life. Oh, shoulders. There you are. Clavicle? I see you!
• I am completely obsessed with Bones and am taking an enforced break between Seasons 3 and 4 on Netflix Instant viewing. Life is being inhibited. Also, I have a huge crush on Seely Booth. Yes please.

So I says to meself

(scene? Target.
intent? A few random knick knacks for Christmas, a doily and some water.
conversation? See below.)

Me: Oooh, hey, that's a cute sweater. Pick that up.
Me: Oooh. Look at that notebook. It's recycled! Perfect for work. Get rid of those post-its. I'll get 2!
Me: Oooh hey, check this out. A red plaid flannel vest with a fur trim hood! Sure, it's a bit Forever 21, but whatevs. Put me in coach. I'm warm and COZY....
Me: I should try all this on. (time lapse) Sweet. Cuteness.

Me: Hmmmm...

Me: I didn't come in for any of this...I have a lot of sweaters and this one looks kind of young which makes sense since I picked it up in the kid's section. I should really stop doing that. Huh. $8. I don't really neeeeeed this..... (setting it down). Okay. Right. No go.
Me: And I definitely don't need TWO notebooks. $4? One is fine.

Me: Hmmmm....

Me: (holding red plaid vest with furry hood, face a little sad but contemplative) and I HAVE two vests already, and one IS red, although definitely not that cozy. Huh. $15. K. Um. Well. Shoot. (Puts down on random rack and runs away) (really).
Me: Phew. Away from temptation. I win! None of those were very expensive though.... but wait. (mental math) Dude. I just saved myself like $25! By not purchasing!

Me:.....


Me: So that's how that works.

yanked head[lines]

I opened my paper this morning (translation: I turned on my computer at work and hit the link for SF Gate). I know that SF Gate has stumbled upon hard times -- they write by proxy now more than anything to avoid those pesky overhead costs of having employees, and they spawn ill-conceived notions for series like 'Scenesters,' a trainwreck photo series that pretty much documented people partying and lead to interesting comments like "I just caught an STD from this photo."

So, I'm not sure if what I observed on the front page is indicative of SF Gate's current dogma proper or a broader reflection on news media entirely, but the following were the top news links:

• Girl, 5, killed when school cabinet falls on her 7:23 AM
• Dead deer in clown suit left on Iowa porch 7:48 AM
• Marin couple pays $27k to sleep at Hearst Castle 8:12 AM
• Prop. 8 rerun is headed for Maine 8:18 PM
• Herta Mueller wins 2009 Nobel literature prize 8:05 AM
• Gun-toting soccer mom, husband found dead 7:18 AM
• Tennis star's father on hunger strike in prison 8:11 AM
  

Are these twittered news (ergo time-stamp)? Are these the top visited stories on the AP (oh the sad ramifications)? Who chose these, and why are they the first listed stories on a Bay Area newspaper when only one event even occurred in California? SF Gate is not a gossip site (not entirely) or a spoof site or even a dedicated 'random' news site. Where is the news????? A majority of those stories listed above are sensational, morbid, and not anything really informative. Apart from the Prop 8 article and the Nobel prize nod, they are sadistically entertaining, playing on modern fascination with weird death and gratuitous living. And I daresay, the Prop 8 article likely plays on people's love of controversy, because even if the article is actually legit and informative and --- newsworthy--- wedging it between extravagant hotel lodging and gun-toting soccer moms is ridiculous and cheapens the topic.

Oh soapbox, I greet thee. The online version of the SF Chronicle news is completely rubbish. I am disappointed and feel like I have been cheated on --- but suspect that there are a lot of SF Gate readers out there unsurprised, checking out the Daily Dish and the curmudgeon comments, and then cruising over to NPR or BBC for actual news of the world.

To be honest? 30.

Last week, my mom and I went to the movies. Crazy cineplex with your neon lights and gaggle of teenage kids working at snack bars and ripping tickets... we gave our tickets to the ticket guy and my word, if he wasn't the most awkward 15 year old ever. This exchange followed between my mother and I:

Me: Wow, now that was what I call awkward adolescence.
Mom: Honey, I think he thought you were cute.

Me: No way. I could like be his mom.

Me: .............
Me: Holy crap! I could totally be his mom!!!!!

But let's be honest. I know it's kindof trendy to be overwhelmed by thirty, but I'm actually digging it. I like the way it rolls off the tongue. 30. Let's do the inevitable recap; it's not like I loathe my life and am disappointed in myself or anything, so at this measuring post in my life, I'm like, wow, this is a.o.k. When I was 15, I thought 30 was ancient. I thought I would be married with kiddos and have this crazy idyllic life with a house and dog. Hell, I thought that would happen by 25. But as I grew into myself and moved around in this eclectic world, I realized different timelines for me ...unknown timelines. All that stuff will happen in some way, shape, or form, someday. I'm not worried. And yes, I don't want to be an OLD mom. And it makes me nervous that my parents are aging and I want them to be able to enjoy my onedayfamily, but still, I really believe things will work out as they may. They have so far.

30. Thirrrrrrty. BooYA. say it with me now.

Five by Five

"Do let the sun go down on anger. I had always scrupulously aired every irritation as soon as possible, to make sure I vented all bad feelings before bedtime. Studies show, however, that the notion of anger catharsis is poppycock. Expressing anger related to the minor, fleeting annoyances just amplifies bad feelings, while not expressing anger allows it to dissipate."

-some lady in some magazine.
(I think she might be right)

i love fall(ing)

I accidentally bought the tuna in the oil instead of the water; I hate that. I found the best zombie housewife dress. I went through my closet and discarded items that I was sentimentally attached to but never wear; it was cathartic. I had a dream last night I woke from a coma and found out I had three month old twins. There were also wild pigs and manatees in that dream. I love that my new gym doesn't have a scale in the women's locker room, but they do have a sauna. I heard someone say "dude, I'm alone all the time," which made me very sad, but then I realized at least he has someone to talk to. I very nearly became addicted to buying things on Ebay. They really do have everything on there, including a dress that I covet at Anthropologie for $188, and someone was selling it for less than half that. A friend from seventh grade found me on facebook and I was really excited about that even though I haven't responded to her message yet. And right now, there is a strange gurgling large water jug sound coming through the floor of my office. Not sure what that's about; maybe the manatee? Coming up to nudge.

"One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other."

Lights were too bright last week. And sounds. They were sharp, piercing, stabbing at my eardrums. A virus took my feet out from under me and forced me to stay still. Bedrest reminded me of before times, when ladies would lounge for days, lackluster and laudanum, fanning and staring. There is a certain elegance to resigning yourself to nothing; the days go in, they go out, buses go by, children come and go from school, but there you lie, separate.

And bored. I can confirm there is such a thing as too much television. I'm on hiatus. I don't know--time lying there doing nothing can't help but be reflective and I was forced to face the things I have let become dusty: the scientific manuscript I wanted to publish, my violin, even a half knit hat. A fever breaking and rejuvenation is euphoric.

One of my decisions? I need to go on a trip. And this may be a result of watching too many Jane Austen movies last week, or from my contemplation of laudanum, but I'd like to go to a cottage somewhere misty and chilly, requiring multiple layers and scarves, in a small town with two pubs and lots of trails for walking. I'm thinking Ireland, maybe the UK, maybe soon.

This morning, I sat at a stop sign, waiting for it to change.

I will never wake up imbued with magical powers other than those I already have, suddenly a witch, suddenly interesting with a priestess pendant. I probably won't wake up with wings, barring some freak genetic mutation resultant from eating too much dark chocolate. I could go back to school and study something completely different than what I am doing right now. Moving in with someone does not equal getting engaged. The power in randomness is random repetition. I only like living on the top floor; I will not live in the basement. I love windows and the opening of them. Hummus with horseradish is served in Heaven. Berating yourself for doing what you are able is silly. It's better to commit to less and do more than to commit to everything and be a flake. Homemade egg noodles should be cut thin and short, otherwise they feel like bread in your belly. Everyone should have a Scan Toaster and eat poetry for breakfast.